Stronger

You see, a few days ago, I
have been really2 in a hard situation, trying to solve it by my self and
feeling like, what the … heck….?!!! This year I started it with a big decision
that I have made, and have to face it, related to my life, my family, and
others that I care and love. Seems to be this situation can’t be as easily as I
thought. But I’m still trying to fix and to collect one by one, pieces by
pieces what’s left behind and trying to start to build the new one, even though
it might be not the same like used to, but at least I’m trying ………

All my friends that support
me, always, to face it …. But until when? I need to stop, to think about it,
trying to forget it.

If there is a time machine
that can makes me go back throught time, I would do that. Fixing the years that
so misserable.

One of my friends advise me
to think before you act. Act after you think it wisely, I have been through a
dark phase, wild phase of my life, and I need to stable it right now.

Well each year of my ages,
I’m getting stronger and stronger than before…….

My New Life

Being a single isn’t as bad as i thought =)……yep mengingat ketakutan gw yang sudah2……ternyata ya….kalo lo ngejalanin nya biasa aja ……. just need a little distraction for me to forget about it…….distraction sih bisa dari mana aja……..such as…focus on my work, my new assignment, my friends, my best friends….trying to think positive in everything you do.

And it’s work…..Gw berterima kasih banget sama temen2 gw yang selalu ada di samping gw………….yang selalu ngajakin gw pergi heheheheh dari pada gw bengong di rumah……trus my family yang selalu ngedoain yang terbaik buat gw……….

Setelah gw pikir2….gila ya kenapa gak dari dulu aja nih kayak gini heheheheh, gw bisa lebih baik 3 times dari biasanya………and seneng 3 times dari biasanya…….but that’s ok.

Gw udah ngerasain yang paling berat dari hidup gw, yang hampir kehilangan akal sehatnya…….tapi see………..gw masih di sini, sadar, dan getting even much better than before……………

Ternyata Tuhan tuh sayang banget sama gw, dia bener2 ngasih gw yang terbaik….in everything………….

Lord thank you…… =)
My friends …. thank you =)
My family ….. thank you =)

upDate 2008

yePs it’s me again….speaks about me — a lil’ bit narsis sih but anyway………the year 2007 gave me a lots…..bad, worst, nightmare………. i hope this years won’t be the same……………..i want to improve my quality time and manage to be a good person than previous one…….quality of thinking and communicate with other people, and specially the one that i care enough………………having a bad dreams, ever since gave me a lot of lesson to learn, about people, relationship, family, friend, best friend…………….betrayal, back stabber, and on and on, crushing me into pieces……….this year i have to build my new meee even much better than people thought about me……………..

I’ve lost a lot of people that i cares and a best friend indeed………..i’m trying to build a optimistic mee, rather than the pessimistic one……..

Did you know that it’s really difficult that when someone that you trust betrayed you for their ego and you have to rebuild that again, ignoring all the pain and hurt, trying to forgive what they had done to you and trying to start a new one?

Which one you would like to prefer? Start with the others or Stay with the same?

I’m still trying to figure it out, because i’m thinking maybe this things could be fixed it……..or not??????

hope this year ……. have a good plan for meee and my future………….always

bad behavior is genetics???

buah jatuh tidak jauh dari pohonnya

kayaknya pepatah ini bener banget deh…….

Kayak my mom always said to me kalo gw tuh copy
cat nya dari bokap gw…..semuanya persis heheheheheh

Sometimes, gw selalu berpikir kenapa orang2 jaman
dulu tuh selalu kalo nyari pasangan untuk anaknya dilihat dari bibit bebet dan
bobot…….

Ternyata gw baru menyadari
kalo memang itu semua ada alasannya…..

Dan memang background keluarga itu bener2
mempengaruhi karakter anak2nya………

Contohnya deh, gw hidup dan dididik di keluarga
yang demokrat, tegas, dan ambisius, well that made me like now, ambisius,
liberate, dan tegas (kadang terlalu tegas dan galak)

Ada

lagi orang yang
dibesarkan di dalam keluarga yang bapak ibunya gak pernah ada di rumah,
bapaknya selalu keluyuran tiap malem, ke pub – pub gitu, ibu nya hanya ibu
rumah tangga yang menghadiri acara pkk de el el, jadi cerita nya sibuk terus
gituh (padahal mak babe gw kerja tiap hari tapi kayaknya gak sok sibuk gitu
deh)……

Intinya sih orang ini jadi gak dikasih perhatian
cukup, dan membuat dia jadi “kosong” …..dan jadi menyeramkan

kan

, karena defectnya orang ini banyak
banget, dan rentan sama pengaruh2 jelek……

Ibarat gelas kosong, ya…gampang diisi sama air apa
aj, karena dia gak punya based atau prinsip yang jelas, well apapun prinsipnya
dia itu setidaknya dia punya jadi meskipun dapet influence yang jelek dari
environmentnya dia akan balik ke defaultnya awal……..

Back to the topic, orang ini berkelana kayak robot
yang gak punya pikiran, dan belum di program, gak tau mana yang bener dan mana
yang salah…..

Dilihat dari sisi pergaulan dia tertutup dan gak
bisa mengekspresikan dirinya sendiri, dia memberikan influence yang jelek bagi
orang terdekatnya………

Sisi kekanakannya yang hilang, muncul ketika dia
kecewa dan merasa terpojok, alibi yang dia ciptakan untuk melindungi dirinya
sendiri ketika dia tahu ternyata hal yang dia lakukan adalah salah.

Serem gak sih lo, kalo
ternyata itu calon suami lo…….

ternyata

kemaren gw baru tau semuanya dan gw jadi males setelah gw tau kenyataannya, duh tapi gimana yah………………..gw bingung nih……………       

Lost

My tears already dry..
My wound are still open
My mind already gone away
My soul already leaving me

I’m empty inside
I’m lost inside
I’m drowning inside of the darkness

I became some one else
I became mean and cruel
Because I’m lost in the darkness

This is because of you
You’ve made me become like this
You’re attitude build me
You’re behavior build me
You’re anger build me
You’re ego build me

I’m your creature
I’m your doll

Lost in the deepest hole inside of the darkness me
You’ve open a pandora box inside of me

And now you left it open
And now you leave
And now you’re dissapear

That black blood inside the wound came out
Spread into every breath I take…….

You don’t have any idea what creatures that you’ve been made
And you’ll have to pay for this……..

tuesday nite

Gw lagi nonton sponge bob at 10.30 at night hehehehe gak ada kerjaan, abis pulang basket, langsung update fs gw, as advised by my pak boss hehehehehhe…………..
trus, gak jelas gini hehehehhe……………..

banyak yang mau gw ceritain sih, tapi lagi gak konsen nih…………….hehehehehhehe
nanti aja deh………….sabtu sama minggu hehehehheheeh

deeeeehhhhh

In Time of Illness

Heluuu….want to share a good pray….the titled is "In Time of Illness"

Lord Jesus, You came into the world

to heal our infirmities

and to endure our sufferings

You went about healing all

and bringing comfort

to those in pain and need

We come before You now

in this time of illness

asking that You may be the source

of our strength in body,

courage in spirit

and patience in pain

May we join ourselves more closely

to You on the cross

and in Your suffering

that throught them

we may draw our patience and hope

Assist us and restore us to health

so that united more closely

to Your family, the Church,

we may give praise and honour to Your name

AMEN.

May God always be with us who remember and hail at HIM.

gaK jelas

Dah pernah ngomongin ini belom ya??? Soal ketidak jelasan……kerjaan lah, temen lah, cowo lah, hidup lah, semuanya deh………kacian banget sih lo….heheheheh

Mana lagi mau pilek lagi, besok kawinan lagi, trus senin gw ke lapangan lagi dah gitu sampe dua minggu full lagi, alamat gw tepar aja dah nih………

Duit tiris……..gara2 banyak kawinan, beli baju, bikin baju, beli tas, beli sepatu, bayar salon, beli asesoris……….susah yah jadi cewek………mikirin penampilan mulu……….

today, Mas Pras dan Mbak Ari married, tadi gw di gereja, terharu banget bok…..mana lagu dan suasanya bener2 mendukung banget, jadi pengen nangis lagi…………KAPAN YA GW KAYAK GITU…….KEPINGIN DEHHHHHHHH

well it’s just a dream……just counting the days, hahahahah yea right….so many days that i have to count…………..and just a silly hope…….hihihihihi………………..well maybe i need to focus on something…………….yaaaa…..focus on work…………….where all the sucks things happened……..hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa at least much better rather than counting the days, and just waiting right………………………………….

sOmeThing to Think About dEEply…

Some people change…….in my life…….or maybe it’s just me ….? It’s very obvious that i need time to be alone for a while, at least to give my heart and my mind space to exhale….a new position …… at my office…..some people say that is a promotion for me……some people say that is a good opportunity to start your own career…..some people say that you will be regret it……that sounds always spinning around in my head and burns my feeling…..GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE….there so many things to think about and i don’t have enough space to keep them all……..to be honest I’m scared……..I’m trying to pleased my self when no one’s around me cares……I’m trying to be more patient than I used to be but still It’s not work for people around me……..I’m trying to accept the reality even though I’ve to try hard …………but still can’t satisfy me ………I’m trying to cheer my self…….my friends……………I know we shall get what we want, but not always……..I’m happy for all of you my friends……………..